Determined...but why?

So I sit here every morning and open up my WW Tracker and enter in my points for the day before, if I missed anything, and my AP. I add my points for the day so far and then think, hmmm...why am I so focused? Why am I so dedicated this time?

"Cause you are not happy!" who said that? "Cause you feel or felt like crap", okay, so that little voice is talking to me again! And yes on both those questions. I feel or felt like crap and yes I am getting happier. I have been very focused for the past 12 weeks. On Tuesday it will be three months since I made the decision to change my life. 3 months already! Time flies....but I want to reflect on that a bit. What have I done in those 3 months?

I rejoined WW and have lost 38 lbs since August 10th. I have lost 51.1 lbs since January 2008. I am proud of that.

I started exercising. Not a lot at first, but a little was all I needed. Now 12 weeks later I workout 2-3 times a week, at a gym and have aquired a personal trainer. I have to start with that trainer but I have one. WOW!

I have a better attitude. I am more positive and confident.

I have restful sleep. I have been able to sleep in the same bed as my hubby for the first time in years. He snores you see "Like a Freight Engine" and since my activity has increased I am so tired that I can sleep through it for the most part.

I have stopped watching TV. I don't watch nearly what I used to. I haven't even seen any Grey's Anatomy this season, it's PVR'd but that's it. I am just so busy. Work has been crazy, then home, eat, tidy up, and then off to workout. I think I need to refocus this and make a schedule of some sort to ensure that I am spending time with hubby and daughter. I know that daughter is going through withdrawls. It's very hard to spend time with her during the week. I get home at 6:30pm and she is ready for bed and getting settled around 8pm. 1.5 hours is not very long for quality time. I might need to rethink that.

So here's a question, how do you break a habit? DD is so used to falling asleep on DH that at 8pm she is on his knee and there till 9pm. Then at 9pm it's TV time for DH and me if I'm there. DH is a little bit stuck in this pattern and we need to get him out of it. He is sick at the moment with a sinus cold and I am trying to keep my distance so our quality time is limited because of that and we have had company for 2 months almost.

Life is crazy and busy and trying to refocus and get a handle on that is very challenging. I need to get a schedule going of when and where we need to be and what we need to do to be together more, all three of us.

I think that's what I am going to do! I am going to have to done something to get ourselves organized so that we can spend more time together!

So the past 3 months have been great! I have lost a bunch of weight, feel great and I am more focused then I have ever been in my life. I just need to work on a couple of things!

Cheers!!

Sisters....

So my sister just phoned and congratulated me on my 50 lb star! That was a great call to get. My sister and I are 10 years apart, me being the elder of the two. We have never been really close but the past few years this has changed. We are closer now then ever and I love that!

She recently was in town for a visit and saw my progress with WW and this motivated her! I am so happy. I want her to be all she can be and this will be an amazing journey for her and me. I am very excited to be able to motivate her for once. I don't think she understands how much I look upto her. She is my inspiration for many things in my life. She is beautiful, she is smart and she is determined. Yes she frustrates me at times, but she is my hero in many ways. The fact that something that I have done has motivated her makes my heart smile!

I am looking forward to chatting with her on the WW Boards and helping guide her along this great journey. We can do this together! That's just awesome and knowing that has made my day!!!!

I wish her all the success in the world and can't wait to see how she does every Sunday!

Cheers!!

Can I get a 50????

Wow, yesterday was WI day. I got on the scale at my usual 6:00am and thought for sure, I am going to gain this week and I am okay with that considering what I ate last week. I have been pushing really hard at the gym and doing very well!

-3.4, 3.4.....how did I manage that? So there I am, pluggin in my WI into WW and bam....my 50lb star pops up! I have lost 51.1lbs since January 2008. WTF??? seriously?? That's 5 10lb bags of potatoes. Can you imagine carrying that. Next time you are at the grocery store, try and lift 5 ten pound bags of potatoes.....wow. I can't grasp the fact that I used to walk around with that. Amazing!

I don't have much time to right today, but I am very proud of me today!

Cheers!

Dreams....

So I had this really wierd dream last night. I can't remember exactly right now what it was about, I did remember this morning, but it has disappeared from my memory. I do remember one thing, I was in the dream, I could see myself. I could see the thinner me! I have been having trouble seeing the thinner me. I have dropped 47lbs since January 2008 and for some reason I can't see it.

I walk past a mirror or a window, sometimes stop, and look. I don't see it. The voice inside my head says "LOOK, your ass is disappearing!" I think my inner voice is dillusional. I just don't see it. I know it's happening. My clothes are way too big, I am wearing a size 20 and everyone is now noticing. But for me, cause I look at me everyday, I don't see it.

I notice that I am smaller when it comes to sitting in chairs with arms. I notice I am smaller by how much further away from the steering wheel I am. I notice I am smaller when I try to reach around me and I can.

So Tuesday night I went to the gym and joined! I am proud of me! I don't think that when the weather turns cold I will continue walking the way I have been. Every night that I do walk, right afterwards, I get in the car and go and get a coffee, so I figure why wouldn't I drive to the gym and then get a coffee. I can do this!

While I was there signing up for the membership, my inner voice piped in "Come on, go for the personal training!""Look at that flab!""How ya gonna get rid of that?" So against better judgement I did it! I now have a personal trainer. It's not going to be a bad thing. I need to have someone motivating me. I CAN DO THIS!!!!

I am waiting to hear when my first session with her will be, but till then I am going to the gym for the first time tonight and will walk the treadmill and then perhaps try the eliptical. I CAN DO THIS!

Cheers!

Life is busy!

Not much time to write, but I will report my WI for this week!

I did very well last week. -4.6lbs!! woohoo me! I stayed OP and drank all my water for the "Biggest Loser Challenge!". This week our challenge is to stay OP all week and 2 out of 7 days so far! Here's to another great loss next Monday!

Cheers!

Yesterday...

All my troubles seemed so far away,

Now it looks as though they're here to stay,

Oh, I believe in yesterday.

Suddenly, I'm not half the man I used to be,

There's a shadow hanging over me,

Oh, yesterday came suddenly.

Why she Had to go I don't know, she wouldn't say.

I said, Something wrong, now I long for yesterday.

Yesterday, Love was such an easy game to play,

Now I need a place to hide away,

Oh, I believe in yesterday.

Why she Had to go I don't know, she wouldn't say.

I said, Something wrong, now I long for yesterday.

Yesterday, Love was such an easy game to play,

Now I need a place to hide away,

Oh, I believe in yesterday.

Mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ONXp-vpE9eU

It was a good day yesterday. I was back OP and drinking all my water for the Biggest Loser Challenge. If only the scale had been more positive yesterday morning. I am working on next Monday being the best day ever!

Got out last night and did my walk which was great! I love being able to go for my walk and just think. I think about everything. Work was rough yesterday so I was able to blow off a little steam. Love this song to walk to.....it's awesome!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yq77pTi03qQ

Music really has a way of lifting my spirits and making me focus. When I walk out the door, headphones on and turn on my Ipod I get energized. The first song I hear is this one:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dJZDsJ8UU64

I start to walk and I'm pretty sure that I am singing out loud. Do I care if someone hears me, not really! It's not about them, it's about me and it makes me happy! My sister gave me some new stuff that she insists I add to my collection of walking songs....not too sure though.

You be the judge:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oMo45wN81Rw&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oFryG9ON7Tw

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VrVlBrooxcM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_AubvMnIwUM

http://www.youtube.com/user/beyonce?blend=1&ob=4#p/a

NOTE: This is my theme song!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NF9QI18-Bpo

Having listened to them all again, I believe that I just might have to add these to my library plus some others! Do any of you out there have suggestions??????

Cheers!

To Gain or not to gain....

That's a simple question, to gain this week for sure. Blah, that sucked. Getting on the scale this morning and I knew it, just knew that what was going to be there was not going to be very good. +2.2lbs.....yucky! I am still proud of myself though. I mean, come on folks, the fat girl has lost 30lbs in 10 weeks. To me that's okay! It could've been a lot worse. But it also shows me that it doesn't take much for me to slip. I have refocused and regrouped as of yesterday and am trying my best to make sure that I don't see that plus again.

I know what happened. I am not in denial. I could feeling it happening. I didn't make the best choices, had several dinners out. Also, I had chinese on Friday night and we know that's loaded in salt. Duh, you know better than that!

I could hear that voice again "you really shouldn't be eating that", "wow, did you have to eat that much Sesame Chicken???"!! Um....my response...NO, but it sure tasted good. So not worth the points....but I did it and I am moving on. Sunday was a the start of back OP and going to have a loss next week for sure!

Cheers!